One of the more surprising aspects of becoming a mother is the amount of judgment you will receive from other people, in particular from other moms. Yes, ladies the other mommies are going to be your biggest critics. Why? Because most moms, if not all, are seriously insecure. And that is to not say I’m not insecure about my momming skills, because I definitely have my moments, but for some reason a lot of moms you meet will need to justify their existence with constant judgment. Don’t worry though it’s usually really passive aggressive.
How do you know another mom’s insecurity is starting to roar its ugly head, and she’s secretly cursing your name? Usually, it goes something like this: Conversation ensues about something you do for your kid. Other mom in conversation or hearing conversation immediately begins to refute what you do with what she does and then ends it with something like, “but that’s just me…” (insert bitchy face/disappointing sigh) At that point you probably should know she’s taken offense to something you said, and you are now a shitty person. She will continue to speak negatively about you to other people until you hear about it from someone else. This scenario will occur on repeat until forever.
It used to bother me in the beginning especially when I would get the, “You know you kind of implied your way is better…” type guilt trip. Let me be clear. When you’re a new mom you literally don’t know anything. Anytime you are talking about things you’ve done for your kid it’s really to make yourself feel better and reassure yourself that you’re not totally screwing this up. If you think I have made it my mission to craft conversations about my child to make you feel bad, then you are sorely mistaken about how much sleep I’m getting.
This isn’t to say there are moms out there that will flat out make you feel like shit. I’ve talked to like 4 of them. But, they are way more direct in their delivery. I actually appreciate that. Momming is hard, and I’ve come to realize you’re never going to feel like you’re 100% on what you’re doing for your kid. But, getting used to some of the passive aggressive judgment you’ll experience from other parents or the amount of sensitivity that pervades every single topic of parenting is a bit of shock.
I’ve attempted to be a duck, and let this negativity role off my back. There’s no real point in taking offense, starting a facebook feud or twitter war, or really confronting a mom about it. I found it’s best to take an empathetic stance. Most moms are going through something at one point or another. Sometimes you’re that mom, and maybe you said or did something that’s just not coming off right. It is what it. Just be understanding. Roll with the punches, and move on. You’re kid probably has a poopy diaper in a need of a change anyways.